After
noticing somewhat consistent discomfort when Jacob's right hip was being
moved, I took him to our paediatrician yesterday. Thankfully Breanne had
a PA day, so she came along. After the doctor examined him, it was
decided to have some x-rays taken of his hip and femur. He informed me
that it can happen when kids never bear weight on their legs, that their bones
can become brittle :( Dr. Kerr wanted to make sure that he doesn't have a
fracture.
I presumed
we were heading to the London Hospital, seeing that's where we have always gone
for every test in the past. Thankfully something came out in our
conversation that we could go to the St Thomas hospital. It sure made
life much easier regarding distance. The hospital is only a scant 10
minutes from the Doctors office.
Suddenly
it occurred to me - am I ready to step foot in that hospital, seeing that's
where our journey began with Jacob?
Providentially Breanne
came with, or it would have been even harder on me.
| St Thomas Hospital |
I drove
into the parking lot, almost parked in the exact same spot
that we parked in when I was in labour with Jacob - oblivious of the path we
would be called to walk in just a few short hours.
I walked
into the hospital yesterday, through the same doors that we travelled through almost 22
months ago. Soon to be dealing with the reality that our son was 'not behaving.'
 |
| Our first sight of Jacob |
Yesterday, we went in the same elevator that the transfer team took our little
boy away in, when he was just 4 hours old. Those closing doors - doors separating our little suffering, yet so sedated, bundle
and us. Then the wait! That wait to find out what was happening with Jacob and
Paul and I.
 |
| The transfer team with Jacob in the elevator |
I had to
register Jacob at the client services department before we could get his x-rays
yesterday. Another painful memory! Memories came floating past. One riveted
in my mind. I had to go to client services to preregister for Jacob's birth
several weeks before he was born. Considering he was our fourth, it was kind of
old hat. One question that the nurse asked me in that registration was, 'do you
know if you are having a boy or girl?' We never wanted to find out, so I matter
of factly said, ‘No, and to us it doesn't really matter, as long as the
baby is healthy.' Healthy - how that word has taken on a different
meaning.
After the
x-rays, I walked down the same hallway and doors that I got wheeled out on a
stretcher on the way to London, to at least be in the same hospital with our
son. Thankful that I was finally on the way, yet, apprehensive as to what we were going to face.
As the creaky OLD transfer van neared the London hospital, my thoughts raced as
to what the outcome of this boy hooked up to all the machines would be. How can
I do this? Is this really happening, or is this a dream?
Reflecting
on those thoughts that I pondered many months ago, I realize that indeed the
way has been tough. Tough beyond words. Yet...we have been upheld
to this very moment. Yes, sinking in the waves at times (many times) yet
during the toughest times, having so much peace and contentment with God's
path. He knows best, and His plan is perfect. I still sometimes
look intently at Jacob in amazement that we have been given a special needs child.
At times, it still feels unbelievable.
